So…its a rainy morning here in KC and no one wanted to get up, especially me. But I sucked it up and made my energy drink. I gave myself a mental pep talk while in the shower. Yes! I got a shower. It was going to be a good day.
“Time to get up!” I said cheerfully to my boys who had crawled in bed with me in the middle of the night.
They laid motionless and I decided to go start breakfast. My two year-old was still asleep. After pouring cereal and juice, I went up for another attempt at waking the boys. After like ten times of using my nice voice, I was finally forced to use my mean loud voice. I know it’s hard to get up on rainy days. But it has to happen.
“I said GET UP!”
Finally, they slowly made their way down to the breakfast table. As they sat there, I heard my little guy talking in his crib. I went to get him out.
“STOP IT!” he yelled.
“Oh fine,” I said and walked out. Hell, if he wants to lay in his crib, fine with me.
“Mom, is your dream to shave Justin Timberlake?” asked my 7 year-old.
“You can do it on here if you want,” he said.
I looked down and he had the i-pod in his hand. Lo and behold, there is actually an app where you can shave Justin Timberlake’s…beard. Thank God.
“Put that away and hurry up! You should be putting food into your body, not playing on the i-pod.”
So after they FINALLY finished eating, I reminded them to brush their teeth. I made a second attempt to get the baby up and this time it worked. As I changed his diaper he screamed, “Help me! Help me!”
I’m like, listen…I don’t want to DO THIS EITHER! But is time to be an effing team player! The boys were in the bathroom still after about ten minutes and so I went in and they were making funny faces in the mirror. Their toothbrushes were dry. I think I’m going to have TMJ because when shit like this happens and we have to be out the door in like eight minutes, I clench my teeth together so badly that it hurts.
I sounded like Chris Farley and said, “Brush your teeth FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!”
I believe I frightened them and so they did it. Then I had to tell them to get dressed like they have never done it before. After me literally saying now your shirt, now your socks…etc. They were finally dressed. I put their lunches in their backpacks and had the baby in my arms and we were headed out the door to the mini-van, where I found that the doors had been open all night long. I am lucky that the fucker’s battery wasn’t dead. However upon putting it in reverse, I realized the gas light was on. I just crossed my fingers I could make it to the school before the gas station.
Pulling up to the drop off line, you would have thought John Stamos was signing autographs in the cafeteria. Cars were wrapped completely around the block. I realize this was because it was pouring rain but still…While waiting, I decided I would talk to the boys.
“Hey guys, I have a goal. I want to find a way to make our mornings run smoother.”
“Mom, I thought your goal was to have children and you already did that,” said my kindergartener.
“Umm…yes, but now that I did that I have new goals.”
“You mean we aren’t good enough?” he asked. This is followed by, “Mom…where’s my backpack?”
All I could think of was slamming my face against the steering wheel like ten times hard enough to make the horn honk. But the principal was watching. Damn. They were waving me on because there was like a hundred cars behind me.
“I’ll bring it up!” I said. “Have a good day!” I would have said forget about it, but it had his lunch in it. Blah.
Okay, so I had to get gas. I inched my way to 7-11 on fumes and filled ‘er up half way. As I got in to the car, my little lovey in the backseat was singing and that made me smile. We needed to return to the house to get the backpack in the rain. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, someone was motioning to me…something about the back of my car. Oh well, unless it was life threatening I didn’t care. Break light out maybe…? Who effing cares? Once I got to my driveway and parked to run inside, I saw what they were talking about…gas cap. Woop a dee doo.
Back out into the rain, I get the lunch/backpack dropped off and get my two-year old dropped off at his play group. After he cried and made me feel like shit, I got home and took my shoes off as to not get muddy rain on the floor. I took two steps forward and stepped in dog shit. Oh the dog! I’m not kidding. What a morning! So instead of taking advantage of the time I have to clean my house in peace, I am writing this all down because it’s cheaper than therapy. I once heard that children are like meteorologists. Their behaviors change with weather and barometric pressure. I think there is some truth to that.
Oh well! The sun will come out tomorrow. Not all days are like this, so I’m giving myself a break. This morning sucked, but I’m going to blame it on the rain. (yeah yeah)