People love great recipes! I’m not one of them. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I love eating things that are made from great recipes, however, when it comes to food, I’m more of a consumer rather than a supplier (minus when I was breastfeeding). I have gone out on a limb here to try something new, a blog post about FOOD! So, for all the half-ass cookers, or moms who just fall short of the culinary badge of excellence, (I think I made that up) but anyways, here are some recipes that even the suckiest of us can manage. Let’s do this!
This can be made when you have hotdogs, but only have hamburger buns. Its pretty effing good if I do say so myself. Directions: put the wiener (haha! I said wiener) between the burger buns (haha! I said buns) and add mustard and ketchup. Masterpiece.
Do your kids need more calcium? Not sure how to get that extra dose? Let them dip shit in yogurt. If you’re of the health-conscious variety, this could be done with an apple. But I’m out of apples at the moment. That’s why this is perfect. Just find whatever shit you got laying around, and you have yourself a dipshit. Brilliant.
THE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY CLUB
Tired of that same old PB&J? It gets boring doesn’t it? And you’re still hungry once its over, aren’t ya? Never fear! Here’s a new spin on an old favorite! Directions: Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as per usual, but wait! You’re not done. Spread some peanut butter and jelly on top of that SOB, throw on another piece of bread, and you’ve just made a triple-decker sandwich. Cut it in to fourths for the sake of being fancy, call it a club and enjoy!
THE WAGNEG (WE AIN’T GOT NO EFFING GROCERIES)
We’ve all been there. It’s been over a week since you’ve been to the store and the pickings are downright slim. The thought of going to the store with hungry kids sounds as delightful as getting a rectal exam by a smokin hot doctor with a mouth-watering accent. Hell no. I gotcha covered. Directions: Call your favorite pizza place, order, enjoy!
WRAPPED CRAP VARIETY PLATTER
This is one of my specialties. This is not only simple, but you literally can throw this together and then throw it all away. You basically take everything you can find in your fridge and pantry that has a wrapper and throw it on a paper plate. You’ll be surprised at what a well-balanced situation you can come up with. Eff the stove. Eff the dishes. Your kids will be happy and so will you.
You don’t have to be one of the Pinterest Pot Roast Pinners to serve your family great food. Remember, those ladies may rock it out in the kitchen, but they will be also be busy scrubbing dishes all night, while you have already moved on to your after-dinner cocktail! So cheers to you and your time management! You are still a Supermom!
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And check out my both of my books on Amazon!
The Unbalancing Act (crazy humorous fiction unlike anything you’ve ever read before)
The Vada Diaries (Short Stories, about that crazy mother from The Unbalancing Act)