Me: Hi mom, what are you doing?
G-ma: Not much. Just folding some laundry.
Me: Oh that sounds like fun.
G-ma: Oh yeah, I am just living the dream.
Me: Well…everything okay? You have anything on your agenda this weekend?
G-ma: Not really, I may go shopping on Sunday with (my aunt).
Me: Well you two are about as fun as Kathie Lee and Hoda
G-ma: Who the hell is Yoda?
Me: No mom, you know the ladies that drink wine on The Today Show?
G-ma: Oh yeah, I know who you’re talking about.
Me: Yeah…well…any big plans for Saturday night?
G-ma: Oh…I’m probably just going to hit the strip clubs like I normally do, then get some drugs.
Me: Oh wow. You are fun.
G-ma: Yeah, no I don’t have anything going on.
Me: Oh well that’s nice. You can have a nice relaxing evening. Just reeee-lax. Relax the night away. Some R&R…yep, I hear ya. Relaxation. Sounds nice.
G-ma: Well, how about you?
Me: Me? Oh not really. Husband and I were talking about maybe doing something but we don’t have to. It’s really not a big a deal. I mean we probably shouldn’t spend the money and I think we’ll be tired. Besides, we really don’t care if we do anything or not…I mean it may just be good to stay home. In the house. In this house. That I’m always in. But yeah…no…we don’t have any plans…
G-ma: Would you like me to keep the kids so you can go out?
Me: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! FUCK YESSSSSSSS!!!! OH thank you mommy. Thank YOU!
G-ma: You are an idiot. I’ll just keep them overnight. Just bring them whenever.
Me: Are you sure?? You don’t have to. Really it’s no big deal. We don’t have to go…
G-ma: Shut the hell up.
Me: Okay….I will! I will shut up…you sweet little angel disguised as a grandmother!
*now I do the happy dance all over the house and even attempt the splits which is NOT a good idea if you haven’t done them since the 6th grade.
And THAT my friends is how you land the Grandma sitter! SCORE!