You Are Done Having Kids…And Then, SURPRISE!

So…you are done having kids. You took precautions. Your family is complete. Then all of a sudden, your period is late.

You ask yourself, could I be pregnant?

You argue with yourself, NO WAY! There’s no freaking way!

You get on Google and talk yourself out of it, Okay, he pulled out. We did it like 8 days before I was supposed to even ovulate. Plus, this says only 4 couples out of 100 become pregnant if they practice withdrawal the right way. OMG! Did we do it the “right way?” What is the “right way?”

You break down in a hormonal induced frenzy (you can’t tell if it’s PMS or if you’re with child) and you buy the pregnancy test…just to make sure. You piss on the stick.

It’s as positive as a Joel Osteen sermon.

You panic.

This is normal with a surprise baby. But here are some things that could potentially happen. I’m just placing these here for you to use as a reference.

*You may be nervous telling your partner that you’re preggers even though he’s the one that fired the shots.

*The initial shock will produce lots of adrenaline and you may find yourself pacing around the kitchen wondering how you are going to handle one more kid, because you can barely handle the one(s) you’ve got.

*You may wake up in the morning and think it was all a dream for like the first two-maybe-three months.

*When you finally decide to tell the rest of your family and friends, you might think they are judging you…even if they’re not. But sometimes they are and in that case you will want to tell them to piss off. It is okay to do so, because it’s none of their goddam business.

*Once the initial shock wears off, you’ll probably (finally) chill the hell out.

*You may then realize you have given all your baby stuff away or sold it in a garage sale and you will start to freak out again.

*You may scream, “OH SHIT!” because you donated all of your maternity clothes two months ago!!!

*You’ll most likely rediscover your love of chocolate and peanut butter, which magically make you feel like you are getting a hug from a soft teddy bear with every scrumptious bite.

*You may slowly over the next couple months, acquire new baby items…only this time they are from consignment stores, garage sales, and hand me downs from friends instead of new arrivals from Pottery Barn.

*Eventually you’ll most likely totally forget that this baby wasn’t planned because you are so busy keeping things up and running.

*Every little kick will be just as exciting as it was in previous pregnancies (even if you are like me and hate being pregnant, there’s nothing like feeling those little movements )

So once little “Oopsy” is finally in your arms, and you introduce the little surprise baby to the rest of your family, you may stop and take a breath. You may look at your little family gathered around your bed in the hospital and see the love in their eyes (and sometimes a little jealously from older siblings, but that’s normal). It all just seems to fit. I mean, you’ll still be all crazy and emotional and exhausted…but it all feels right. Well, except your swollen feet because there’s no way those can possibly feel right.

At this point, you can’t imagine your life without this new little critter in it. And suddenly, you’ll feel complete. You may not have planned on having another baby, but now you know it was meant to be. And that may be the biggest surprise of all.

And then…you’ll all live happily ever after with lots of love and little to no sleep.

Oh…this is important! Last but not least, you will probably send your husband off to get NEUTERED.

Do it ASAP!!!

Btw…I am NOT pregnant! LOL! This was written from my experience with my 3rd little minion, who was a wonderful surprise.

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2 thoughts on “You Are Done Having Kids…And Then, SURPRISE!

  1. This is exactly what I went through, only it happened to me TWICE! Yes that’s right twice lol my first two are 7 1/2years apart both planned, the first surprise was almost 4 years after and the second was 3 years after that! I am completely exhausted and crazy most of the time but wouldn’t trade my 4 for anything and yes I had my tubes tied right after the last one who is getting ready to turn two so yes I have 2 girls 16 and almost 5 and 2 boys almost 9 and 2

    Like

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