If They Made Perfect Perfumes…For Moms

I’ve had a lot of fun looking at all the commercials for perfume lately. Women, stripping their clothes walking in heels, rolling on beaches without getting sand in their mouths, running through enchanted forests. But wow! I have three kids…so sucking on diamonds isn’t something I can relate to. So I made some that I think mamas like me would definitely splurge on.

Mildly Pleasant-2

Caffeinated

Edge-offPREGGERS

ANXIETY-3

Back Pain

Exhaustion-2

Over ItCABIN FEVER

MARRIED

Cravings

SOOO…pick your fragrance…

Hope this made you SMILE!!

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Post-Social Anxiety, The Struggle Is Real

Many of us know the struggle called social anxiety. It sucks.

For those who don’t, it’s that feeling you get when you have to talk to people or join a crowd (hell it can even be only one person) and your stomach starts churning and you break out in a sweat. It’s basically a general feeling like you may just crap your pants.

But how many people out there experience Post-Social Anxiety?

I’m raising my hand right now. You can’t see it, but I’m raising it high and waving it around like an obnoxious know-it-all high-school student who sits in the front of the classroom, because I know it. Post-social anxiety is my worst enemy. To give you an idea of what it’s like, here are a few possible scenarios:

SO:

*You and your hubby went to dinner with another couple. You complimented your friend’s dress and told her she looked beautiful. You also supplied her husband with a friendly compliment, saying something like, “Well look at you looking all dapper and snazzy!” smiles and greetings…no big deal. You always like to make people feel good. I mean who doesn’t like a compliment?

The next day you think: OMG!!! I bet they think I wanted to have a three-way or a four-way! Why would I have said they look nice? Now they are going to think my husband and I are swingers!!! My stupid compliments! Who says snazzy?!? What an awful word! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

OR:

*You were in parent-teacher conferences. Your child’s sweet teacher was going over the grade book. She showed you a little report that your child wrote about lizards. You laugh and tell her that he probably chose that animal because he got a lizard for his birthday and he named it Marty McFly because he is obsessed with Back to the Future. You go on about how he is loving school and everything is so jolly. You end the conference on a good note and head out to your car.

Boom. You open your car door and think, did I just take over the conference?!? She probably thinks I have a big fat mouth! What if she wasn’t done showing me projects and maybe there were issues she needed to discuss with me and now I’ve ruined the whole thing by changing the entire 20 minutes into ME telling HER about my child!! It was supposed to be the other way around. I can never show my face at school again!!! I’m going to have to request a transfer or start homeschooling immediately!

OR:

*You get invited to a party. Not just any party, but say for example a 31 or Pampered Chef type party. You sip on wine and talk about how great the products are. You are having a great time, but feel like things are wrapping up. You make your selections and place your order. You hug the hostess goodbye and are on your merry way.

After exiting you think, Well shit. What if I ordered the least amount? What if I drank more dollars’ worth of wine then what I spent on products? Oh great, now I’ll be known as the cheapskate who comes only for the drinks. And the hug at the end??? What was that? I bet she thinks I’m creepy for hugging her goodbye! Well…there went my reputation. The cheap, drunk hugger. That’s me.

AND…let’s not forget to mention post-social media anxiety!! This one’s a real motherf*cker.

*You took the cutest picture of your little one and you just couldn’t help but smile in admiration, you added a cute caption and posted that bad boy on Facebook and Instagram. Oh…I mean, how freaking cute, right???

20 minutes later…OMG! This only has 2 likes? That’s it??? What if I am an over-poster? I know I posted that funny video yesterday of those supermodels falling off the catwalk, so maybe this is too much? Have my Facebook friends had enough of me? I bet they’ll unfriend me. I have no friends. I’m gonna move to a tiny house out in the woods with no wi-fi so I can never use social media again!!

Anyways…you get the idea. If you struggle with post-social anxiety, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. We are in this together.

In fact, after posting this, I’m going to be anxious and judge myself for even writing it. I’ll think…I’m so freaking stupid. Why did I do that? I bet everyone is talking about how I’m a crap-shit writer and they all bet that I’m really annoying in real life. I bet they think I smell.

Oh shit!!! What have I done?!!

****like or share if you like & thanks for reading****