Being a blogger/writer person I have gotten use to criticism. I ALWAYS read the comments. I’m super lucky because I feel like I have the most supportive and awesome followers and you have no idea how much that means to me. I love to see people’s points of view and how they react to the things that I’ve written. I can take the heat, good or bad. However, the one comment that makes me cringe is this one. You ready? Okay here it is:
“Oh the language in this article! Does she cuss like that in front of her kids?”
I’m gonna settle that shit right here and now in my own typical sarcastic way. Yes. I do.
In fact, this morning as my three kids woke up and walked in the kitchen, I greeted them with, “Good morning fuckers!” I then gave them cereal, orange juice and a gummy vitamin. We had a fairly crazy morning as usual. “Okay boys, go brush your goddam teeth and fix your hair,” I said with a friendly smile.
After I threw a signed permission slip in my oldest’s backpack, I gently reminded him, “make sure you turn in this motherfucking permission slip buddy, or your ass isn’t going on that damn field trip. I don’t want you to miss it, ’cause that shit’s gonna be educational as fuck.”
He promised me that he wouldn’t forget.
I hugged and kissed my two oldest sons goodbye. “You guys get out there and make this day your bitch, okay? Oh, and sweethearts, please don’t act like dickheads at school! I love you, you little assholes!”
After that I went and read a book with my 4 year-old. First he chose a Dr. Seuss book, but I explained to him that I couldn’t handle that shit right now so to go pick a different one. When he returned with, “I Love You Forever” I clapped and yelled, “Awwwww shit! This book used to make me cry like a pussy ass bitch, but I love it. Now get over here and let’s read this shit.”
Then my phone rang. “Oh son-of-a-whore!” I yelled. “Why the hell do these motherfuckers always have to interrupt story time?” I declined the call. The story continued and we finished it with a giant bear hug and then read one more. Next, we had a great idea to go surprise his older brothers at school and meet them for lunch. They were so excited to see us!
“WHAT UP BITCHES?!?!” I threw my hands up and yelled as we walked into the cafeteria. “LET’S GET FOOD! I’M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT MY OWN TITTIES RIGHT NOW!” I went and sat with my boys and talked a bunch of shit to the kids at the next table. It was really special and I love getting to spend any extra time I can with my children. These moments go by so fast and (like Steven Tyler) I don’t wanna miss a thing.
After a fantastic lunch, they hugged me and their little brother goodbye, and I turned and yelled, “I’ll see you little bastards after school! I love the shit out of you!” I blew a kiss in their direction, flipped them off and walked out the door.
If I stub my toe in front of my kids, I may say “shit.” Or if I drop something, it may occasionally be an F bomb. I am a grown up and once in a while I may say a bad word in real life. But the fact of the matter is, I write for an adult audience. My children don’t read my blog. So basically, someone suggesting that I “cuss like that in front of my kids” in the same way I write a humorous article, well that’s just the dumbest fucking shit I’ve ever heard.
I hope that clears things up a bit.
I love all you motherfuckers!!! Thanks for reading me 🙂