WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

I have been struggling with something lately. But let’s be real here, I’m a mom. So of course I’ve been struggling with something. I have so many questions. I’ve been doing this for 9 years now. I try so hard, but I’m in constant fear of screwing everything up. I don’t aim for perfection, I just want to raise decent human beings. Why after all this time, can I still not figure out what the hell I’m doing?

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When I have concerns about my child at school, it seems like emailing the teacher would be the right thing to do. But should I do it? Is the issue even big enough to bring up? Or should I trust that my kiddo is in good hands and it will work itself out? I certainly don’t wanna be the psycho parent that gets the eye-roll every time an email pops up with my name on it. I don’t want my child to be treated differently because his mother is a ball of nerves that overreacts and asks for “a quick chat” after school. I mean hell, why would the teacher want to stay after school to talk to me when they have probably been counting down the minutes for the bell to ring? Tonight’s probably the night they planned to meet friends for happy hour. Should I only bring things up if they are directly effecting his learning? I need a freaking graph that shows me which issues warrant contacting the teacher.

Dammit! I suck at this.

If some little punk assholes are picking on my kid, should I get involved and threaten to smack their mothers? Or should I back off and let him learn how to deal with these jerks on his own? I’m not always going to be able to be there to save the day and he needs to learn to stand up for himself. However, the fact still remains…one mustn’t f*ck with a mama bear’s cubs. We tend to get defensive and the last thing I need right now is a criminal record.

I’m not qualified for this position.

If I come home from dropping my kid off at school and I notice that he left his backpack in the middle of the kitchen floor, do I run it up to him? I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I forget things all the time. Hell, I showed up at the veterinarian’s office last week for an appointment and I brought the wrong dog! This kind of thing happens. But would bringing the backpack up to him be considered “rescuing?” Is it better to let him learn the hard way to remember his things? Or do we all need a little help sometimes?

Momming is hard.

How do I know how old the kids should be before I let them play outside alone? Should I stay outside the whole time and watch from a distance? Is that hovering? What if I actually rented a f*cking helicopter and hired a pilot to fly me over them while they are out playing and when they go to school so that I can always keep an eye on them? Eventually they’d get used to the noise and the extreme winds. Is that too much? Maybe I should say screw it and go full-blown free-range. I could just let them all get emancipated and call it a day…then I’ll go meet the teacher for happy hour.

I’m totally free-balling this mom-gig.

I do know one thing. My biggest mistake has been trying to figure out situations like these based on how I think other moms would handle them. That doesn’t work because these are MY kids. My circumstances, my life, and my children’s need are different than everyone else’s. There is no one that can make these decisions for me. I need to follow my instincts. I need to do what I feel is right. So maybe in a way, I know what the hell I’m doing after all. I’m doing my best.

That’s what I’m doing.

*Share or like if you like to share! Thanks for reading. xoxo*

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