My Un-Thankful List

There are so many reasons to be thankful and I count my blessings and thank my lucky stars every night for all of the wonderful things in my life. I’m grateful and take nothing for granted, especially when it comes to my family and friends. However, (you were waiting for the however, right?) I am also a person with feelings and there are some things that I am not thankful for. Here is my short list:

  1. Playing a $100 on a slot machine without even hitting a fucking bonus. Really???
  2. People who get in front of me at Sonic Happy Hour at 3:56 and take 5 minutes ordering so I miss my half-price Diet Coke by one minute because they are too busy twiddling their balls to decide what flavor of slush they want! My mini-van can handle some dings bitches, now move!
  3. Buying cookie dough ice cream that has like two actual chunks of cookie dough #*%!
  4. People that get on an elevator before others can get off
  5. Politicians
  6. The lady with the permed bangs that I get scheduled with to color and cut my hair because my regular girl is out on maternity leave
  7. People who are mean to other people and/or animals
  8. Having to make small talk during a pap smear
  9. Dog With a Blog
  10. Having to take a “sample” of egg rolls at Walmart just because the cute little old lady working the sample stand offers you one and you don’t want to say no, so you do it anyways even though you hate egg rolls and she forgets to inform you that they just came out of the toaster oven so the whole top of your mouth is burnt off and bleeding and you have to make it around the corner until you can spit the damned thing into a napkin and put it in your purse until you can find a trash can on the way out…skin just hanging from your mouth…dreadful pain

Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude. Again, my list of things I’m thankful for is much longer than this one. I’m just trying to keep things real and understand and appreciate that sometimes things are shitty. I’m thankful that I can admit that.

Happy Turkey Week to all!

Times, They are a Changing…

Halloween is over and it is time for change. The leaves are changing colors, the weather is getting colder, and our asses will begin to get larger. We should all have enough candy to last us until our Thanksgiving feast. It is at this time we will most likely up our pants size until the spring’s “get your body back craze” begins. I embrace these changes with an open heart and open mind. Throw out those rotting pumpkins, toss those expensive costumes in the dress-up bin, and throw out your razors ladies…its pants and sweatshirts time! No need to get those bi-weekly pedicures, because no one can see your little piggies through your cute new fall boots! Basically, we get to let ourselves go to shit for the next four months. Enjoy yourselves…it’s the most wonderful time of the year! Change is good my friends…change is good.

Do not mistake this post as me telling you to stop feeling good about yourself. Keep your self in check if that’s what is important to you. However, if you are going to change with the season, I suggest you have a back-up plan. Here’s mine: The minute I start to feel like I’ve lost my sexy, I’m going to go to the garage and get out the sledge hammer and lick it.