My Un-Thankful List

There are so many reasons to be thankful and I count my blessings and thank my lucky stars every night for all of the wonderful things in my life. I’m grateful and take nothing for granted, especially when it comes to my family and friends. However, (you were waiting for the however, right?) I am also a person with feelings and there are some things that I am not thankful for. Here is my short list:

  1. Playing a $100 on a slot machine without even hitting a fucking bonus. Really???
  2. People who get in front of me at Sonic Happy Hour at 3:56 and take 5 minutes ordering so I miss my half-price Diet Coke by one minute because they are too busy twiddling their balls to decide what flavor of slush they want! My mini-van can handle some dings bitches, now move!
  3. Buying cookie dough ice cream that has like two actual chunks of cookie dough #*%!
  4. People that get on an elevator before others can get off
  5. Politicians
  6. The lady with the permed bangs that I get scheduled with to color and cut my hair because my regular girl is out on maternity leave
  7. People who are mean to other people and/or animals
  8. Having to make small talk during a pap smear
  9. Dog With a Blog
  10. Having to take a “sample” of egg rolls at Walmart just because the cute little old lady working the sample stand offers you one and you don’t want to say no, so you do it anyways even though you hate egg rolls and she forgets to inform you that they just came out of the toaster oven so the whole top of your mouth is burnt off and bleeding and you have to make it around the corner until you can spit the damned thing into a napkin and put it in your purse until you can find a trash can on the way out…skin just hanging from your mouth…dreadful pain

Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude. Again, my list of things I’m thankful for is much longer than this one. I’m just trying to keep things real and understand and appreciate that sometimes things are shitty. I’m thankful that I can admit that.

Happy Turkey Week to all!

The Perfect Mom

Today, I’m going to be sharing some delicious festive fall recipes that I have tried and I’m sure you will love!!! Get out your aprons…your tastebuds and your families will thank you. Not really…I’m just bullshitting. I don’t cook.

My question is: Are You the Perfect Mom?

  • Do you vaccinate? If you have answered either yes or no to this question…you are not perfect. Some will argue that there are too many unknown chemicals in vaccines, while some want to prevent polio.
  • Do you feed your children high vegetable and fruit diets with low sugar and only healthy fats? If you answered either yes or no, then you suck. Some will argue that not sticking to a completely healthy diet will result in childhood obesity, while some believe kids should enjoy a treat now and then.
  • Did you have a glass of wine on occasion while pregnant? If this answer is a yay or a nay, then you should be ashamed. Some believe that even a drop of alcohol is not safe for a growing fetus, while others will argue that a glass of red wine is good for the maternal heart rate, which could be beneficial to the baby.
  • Have you spanked your child…ever? Check Yes or No…you’re just plain awful! Many experts believe that spanking teaches kids to hit. Many others might feel, “that kid needs his ass beat.”
  • Are you a helicopter mother who watches over your children because you are constantly worried about their safety and emotional well-being? Now if you say yes or no, I’m calling child protective services. Many believe that children will not develop proper coping techniques in life if you protect them from everything. On the flip side, there are those who will kick your ass if you mess with their kids.

The truth is that I’m finding no matter what we do, it’s always wrong, according to someone. I wish everyone would just shut their big mouth holes and let us parent our own children. My favorite are the “judgy” mothers who pop out a kid and all of a sudden they are “experts” about EVERYTHING. I have three children and I will still admit that I don’t know what the hell I am doing. No one’s perfect, with the exception of Mary Poppins. However in my opinion, I wouldn’t be surprised if that “spoon” full of sugar didn’t have a lighter underneath it to help the medicine go down. Just sayin…