32 Things You Should Know About Vegas


  1. Burt, Ernie, Mickey, Transformers, and Chewbacca all reside there, right on the sidewalk. So does this guy…Who knew?Image
  2. No matter how much money you think you have, even if you just won…you are flat broke compared to one of the people walking by.
  3. You should never look someone in the eye who asks you to pet their monkey and then offers you coke.
  4. The ladies dress the best they can, and not for men, because a man will check out pretty much anything. They dress to keep up with other women.
  5. Tipping alone can cost you more than you thought you would spend on your entire trip.
  6. A little plastic surgery can be beautiful, but too much can scare the living shit out of an innocent passer-by.
  7. Penny slots cost more to play than quarter slots (if you want to win).
  8. Sandwiches are good.
  9. If you don’t drink water in between cocktails, you will wish Dr. Kevorkian was your Vegas companion.
  10. You will wish to be called Mr. Pappagiorgio, even if you are female.
  11. You can’t win if you don’t play, but then again…you also can’t lose if you don’t play.
  12. The pool is not for swimming, it is for showcasing skin and drinking enough to not care that yours is showing.
  13. There will be a point where you wish you had a cousin Eddie to dig up money out of his yard for you.
  14. Riding in a Vegas cab is sort of like riding in a bumper car.
  15. If you are done with a drink and it’s in a glass, throwing the whole glass in the trash is perfectly acceptable.
  16. The more you drink, the better you think your luck is going to get.
  17. Show girls have to be genetically modified, because no one is that effing tall.
  18. The people begging for money on the bridges most likely have a story that is not a happy one, so even if you can’t give everyone money, a hello and a little respect is nice. (except for the people in #19)
  19. Some people will ask you for money and then tell you they can make change for you, which is psychologically confusing when they appear to carry more cash on their person than you do.
  20. It doesn’t matter how cute a chick’s shoes are, she’s gonna look like a douche walking around crumpled over because she’s blistered while wearing 6-inch heels all over Vegas.
  21. When all hope is lost, there are ATM’s that have a beckoning aura around them.
  22. You must carry hand sanitizer.
  23. Don’t worry how stupid you get in Vegas, because there’s always THAT guy walking around wearing a balloon animal hat, drinking out of a yard glass, and giving knuckles to girls that are way too pretty for him.
  24. If you are that guy in #23, then darn it…
  25. Lots of marriages begin in Vegas, and many of them also end there, so give your wife money.
  26. Bartenders in Vegas are probably the most interesting people in the world because they have heard and seen everything.
  27. #27 is blank because there will most likely be part of your trip that you don’t remember
  28. The hair of the dog works, but so do I.V. fluids.
  29. You will hear phantom slot noises for a week after you get home.
  30. If you see someone talking to their machine, don’t judge them. Sometimes the machines like a little foreplay before they can reach their climax.
  31. Las Vegas is arguably the best and worst city in the world. Make the most of it, because once you’re home and the sorrow and hungover feeling wears off, you’ll be ready to go back.

Viva Las Vegas!

Don’t for get to hit one of the like or share buttons down there if you like this! Also, follow The Unbalancing Act on Facebook for more fun! Thanks!