I rarely, get to watch television, but when I do, I make a point to watch adult shows. No no no…not porn. I am a sucker for reality shows. That being said, when I do get the chance to watch, I get totally sucked in, especially to Bravo.
For example, last night I turned the T.V. on after the kids went to sleep and it just so happened to be tuned to Shahs of Sunset. As I watched these (for some reason) famous people with professional hair and makeup trotting around L.A. drinking and partying at clubs, making water out of diamonds, and throwing parties for their dogs, I thought…I want to be Persian and move to California! I want to get my nails done, and have big hair, and I definitely need to get Botox!
I remember watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey not long ago and seeing all of the big fancy houses and fancy clothes. After ten minutes, I thought…I want to be Italian and tell people to “go scratch” and drive a Land Rover, and live in New Jersey, and drink wine all the time! I want to wear heels and spout off non-English words right in mid-English sentences that no one else can understand! What a life! They are so cool!
I caught a moment of Vanderpump Rules and thought…I should move out to Hollywood and wait tables, until I make it big in the industry! I have no acting skills and I’m five foot tall, so my only chance in Hollywood may be to play a child extra in a movie, but still…I waited tables in college! I should totally go out to a swanky little restaurant run by a British millionaire, and date guys who don’t wear shirts. This must be a totally glamorous and wonderful life!
The most amazing thing though happens after the episodes end. It’s when I’m snuggled up with my Diet Coke, wearing my cozy sweatpants and my hair is up in a ponytail. I get back to real life and think to myself…I get to wake up to these sweet babies, I’m not going to be hungover in the morning, like these people drinking all night on these shows. My feet aren’t going to hurt from wearing heels, and my mini-van has automatic doors. A Land Rover just wouldn’t work with the carpool. Things are just as they should be. This is reality. I’ll still watch it for entertainment purposes as it’s a good escape, but I’m not going to try and learn a foreign language or become a Real Housewife just yet. Besides…I’m actually a “real” housewife…so there! Oh Bravo, how I love you, you take me away and put me right back at home all at the same time. But most of all I love you because when I’m watching you, I’m not watching that Dog With an EFFING Blog!